Location: Virginia
Age of consent - 18
Drinking age - 21
I will try to keep my feelings out of this for the sake of keeping this short, but I did and still do feel like I love him. I’m very attached to him, but I can’t live like this anymore I know I need help.
I began a relationship with my 34 year old male boss while I was 17 (female). It was 40 days of 1 on 1 shifts, him buying me Starbucks, compliments about my body, calling/ texting often, etc. We met up twice outside of work. He was fired in mid December due to fraternization and conduct unbecoming- they interviewed me for \~20 minutes and came to a verdict right away. My family was not notified. He was instructed not to reach out to me but 3 days after he was fired, he called me, apologized, and said he wanted to continue our relationship.
10 days after my 18th birthday in January, we met at the common area (pool room) at his Condominium and then switched to sitting in my car. He told me where to drive- an empty parking lot. I hadn’t had a boyfriend or my fist kiss prior, so when he asked if I wanted anything physical, I wasn’t sure what he meant. We held hands for maybe 30 minutes and I was shaking a lot but he asked if I wanted anything else. I asked what he meant and he said a kiss, I explained that i hadn’t had my first kiss and he told me he would show me how. I stalled for another 20 minutes and then he said it was time, leaned over, and made out with me for a while. I was completely frozen for a bit (didn’t even close my eyes) and he touched my breasts and thighs. I tried to touch him back but I didn’t know what I was doing so I just rested my hand on his leg. He asks afterwards if what he had done was okay and I said it was fine.
We had another date the next week. I was so nervous that I couldn’t really look at him, and I kept shaking my head no to his advances. He pulled me and I laid on his chest for a few minutes before moving back to my seat. He started rubbing my thigh and I put my hand over my crotch because I’m Christian, was waiting till marriage, and it was just too soon. When he felt my hand, he laughed and said it was alright if I didn’t want him to touch me there. I said I do, but not here. I guess he didn’t hear that second part, and he continued. I moved my hand and just let it happen, completely frozen. We made out in his car after the movie and he gave me flowers, a card, and a little toy animal. My favorite animal.
Next week, still less than a month since my birthday, he booked a hotel for us. It was very stupid to go, but I felt like I loved him and I did want to see him. He brought alcohol, I got very drunk. I can’t tolerate much alcohol because I had only drank on two other occasions, but he gave me more and more. I don’t remember anything except one part, but I performed oral. He removed my clothes and started going down on me which I don’t remember much of until the end. I panicked too much, and started saying I can’t and stop over and over but he continued. I crawled maybe 2 feet away but he grabbed me and yanked me back to where I was laying and continued. This happened a few times. I started pushing him as hard as I could but it didn’t work, he just pinned me down and continued, so I used full force and shoved him and he got extremely mad but got off. I tried to leave the room twice after getting dressed but he ripped me away from the door both times. I still loved him.
We saw eachother many times since then, he has done that nearly every week, but I’ve told him to stop every single time. I can’t let him do it until completion I’m just terrified for some reason. Alcohol has been involved nearly every time.
We went on a road trip and nothing crazy happened the first night, but the second day/night we drank a lot and he drove after 6 shots within an hour. I’m not sure how illegal that is because his tolerance is high but I think his BAC would’ve been over the legal limit. I lost my actual virginity that night, to which I have little to no recollection of, all I know is he didn’t finish because I had to stop. I was waiting until marriage due to religion even though I’ve been very attached to him since the day he told me he liked me when I was 17. I’ve tried to use it as a way to make him stop giving me oral, like a compromise “let’s switch into something else” but he said I was deflecting and to let him finish. I’m lucky in that aspect, it didn’t happen for I think 6 weeks after our first night together.
And for those wondering, my parents think I’m with coworkers/friends when I see him. I’ve never given them a reason not to trust me.
I was very drunk recently, we had sex and I fainted due to pain and nervousness I believe. I was panicking until I just went out. I woke up to my body repositioned, and he was still doing it, and I shoved him off and ran to the bathroom. The lock was broken so I laid in fetal position when he came in and ignored him. I continued to see him
I can’t continue like this, I need serious help even though I’m still addicted to him. I know that’s how ‘grooming’ works, but this feels different. I feel like I should’ve been smart enough to never let this happen
I had 3 emergency contraceptives in the span of a month, one was prescribed so I have the medical record. I had a positive pregnancy test about a month ago, but it was followed by heavy bleeding and cramping and then negative tests. It might’ve just been my period and a pill that I am on that Google said can cause false positives, I’m not sure. I had another positive a few days ago, but now I’m negative again. I stopped taking the pills so it might be that, I’m out of tests and too afraid to buy more
Evidence:
- All messages since mid November still available (he made me clear it the week he confessed feelings, because we met up and he was still on edge, but I’ve kept them since then) messages include admitting to finishing in me while I was squirming (I was trying to get away because the pain was too much) and all the I love you’s and paragraphs about how much he cares about me and the very first night he got me drunk
- audio recording of him admitting feelings while I was a minor (originally to show to my friend but it serves another purpose now)
- audio recordings of many phone conversations, discussing him sleeping with me while I was unconscious, him acknowledging he could go to jail for what he was doing while I was a minor, him discussing the extent of how drunk I was and acknowledging that I couldn’t remember us doing things while I was intoxicated, me mentioning him not letting me leave and him not denying, etc
- video of me extremely intoxicated and nude in a bed with him
- security footage of all hotels should exist, work security footage has been reviewed (led to his firing)
Please ask any questions if you need more info. I am wondering if this is enough to be seriously illegal (like, more than just a minor incident like alcohol distribution) and if the evidence I have would likely lead to charges pressed? I cant continue like this, but I can’t even imagine going through all the trouble of everyone (especially my parents) finding out how ruined i am now, and him being found not guilty. If you’re a lawyer or if you’ve been in a similar case please let me know thank you