Can someone please give me advice?
I am 25 and my brother is 29
I’m currently 8 months pregnant and in the middle of a divorce, so I moved back in with my parents for safety and support. About a month ago, my older brother came to visit. He is significantly larger than me and very physically strong.
During that visit, he came up behind me and forcefully pulled me into a hug. Even though I immediately told him to let me go and that I was uncomfortable, he tightened his grip instead of releasing me. It started to feel like I was being physically restrained. I kept asking him to stop and to let me go, especially because I’m pregnant, but he refused. I eventually had to physically push and pry myself out of his grip. When I did, he became angry and escalated toward me, and I felt like he was going to attack me. My mom physically stepped between us, which gave me enough time to run to my room and shut the door.
While I was inside my room, I could hear him pacing right outside the door. He was visibly angry and said, “I should’ve slapped that b!tch” It felt threatening and intimidating, especially given his past behavior toward me.
There was also another incident during a different visit where I was in the bathroom about to get in the shower. I was completely naked and had the door shut. I told him I needed privacy and asked him to wait until I was done. Instead of respecting that, he insisted he needed something immediately (I believe it was his contacts) and tried to come into the bathroom anyway. He started attempting to unlock the door using a butter knife. I kept telling him to wait, but he became increasingly angry. He then punched a hole through the bathroom door in frustration.
This is part of a long pattern of behavior that has existed for years. In high school, after an argument that he had with my mother, he grabbed me by my hair, physically lifted me out of a bar chair by my hair, and slammed my head into the tile floor. I was left dazed, in pain, and had the wind knocked out of me and my neck was sore for days afterward. When this happened, I was 17 and he was 21 There was no apology or acknowledgment of what he did.
He has also previously tried to force his way into my locked bedroom. On that occasion, he broke the door handle/lock while trying to get in. I was afraid he would get inside, so I ended up escaping through a window because I felt trapped.
Over the years, there have also been multiple incidents where he has grabbed my hands or fingers and squeezed them extremely hard, refusing to let go even when I told him to stop and that it hurt. It felt intentional and controlling rather than accidental.
When I was younger, there was also an incident where he tried to drown me in a pool.
More recently, other family members have made comments about the way he talks about me when I’m not around, describing it as disturbing and very negative.
He lives about two hours away but comes to visit frequently, which means I don’t feel like there is consistent distance or safety from him even though he does not live in the same home.
Given the pattern of escalating physical aggression and intimidation, I am seriously considering filing for an order of protection. My concern is not only my own safety but also my unborn child’s safety.
I’ve been told that seeking a protective order could “ruin his life” because he works as a nurse and he would not be able to get another job with that on his record, which has made me feel conflicted and guilty.
I don’t even know if I have grounds for an order of protection. Some of these events happened years ago, but I do have people that I told at the time when it happened.
Right now I’m also trying to stabilize my life. I’m looking for a job and planning to continue my master’s program, and I’m hoping to eventually move farther away from my parents’ home so I can have more distance and safety.
Location: Texas